> version 1.2 (2022-09-16) The following changes were applied to Hailey's Comet (brutally dissected edition) version 1.1: Replace all misspelled "cyphon" variations with "siphon". Chapter 1: "Wednesday" a) She spotted a fellow classmate from her Psychology and Algebra II classes. (follow with "His name was Travis Griffin."; change opening "He" in following sentence to "Travis") b) "Once the pickup was out far enough, Travis lifted his foot off its gas pedal." (use "off of") c) "\"Tommy!" Vicky shouted. "She's gonna get us, Tommy!\"" (combine w/ previous paragraph) Chapter 2: "Larry" a) "A red, velvet pillow laid beside both ends." (perhaps: "The ends were surrounded by red, velvet pillows." (or, some variation thereof)) b) "It outlined the shape of a fisherman's net." (trade "outlined" (which is technically incorrect) w/ "forged") Chapter 3: "Aphasia" a) "The door to Hailey's bedroom laid on checkered tiles beside the end of Hailey's desk." ("Hailey's" twice in one sentence) Chapter 4: "Thursday" a) "She hooked her thumbs under the straps of her backpack." (replace "She" w/ "Hailey"; no reference in previous sentence) b) "Her pale blue eyes gazed between curtains of brown hair." (comma between "pale" and "blue"?) c) "Hailey squeezed tiny digits between ginger carotene." (replace "carotene" w/ "keratin") d) "Emerald shutters rested between ginger carotene." (replace "carotene" w/ "keratin") Chapter 5: "Psychology" a) "Wednesday hung from a chrome plated pole by one hand." ("chrome plated pole" or "stainless steel pole"?) b) "\"Some of things these people do are-- quite disturbing.\"" ("Some of things"; lol) Chapter 6: "Kind Words" a) "Ms. Goodwin stared at Hailey's colorful face from the base of a carotene beehive." (replace "carotene" w/ "keratin") Chapter 7: "Ice Cold" a) "\"Sixty-four fify-six,\" Hailey whispered inside her mind." ("fify" instead of "fifty") Chapter 9: "A Comet" a) "Hailey peered through a glass rhombus erupting from the top of a steel passenger's side door." ("steel, passenger's side door"??) Chapter 10: "Dissociation" a) "Hailey opened the front door of her house." (Hailey opened the front door to her house.) b) "She stared through an open doorway." ("She" without previous "Hailey") Chapter 11: "A Disappearance" a) "The only other thing Hailey needed to know is where Travis and his friends would be and when." ("is" or "was"?) b) "She hopped in and fired up the engine." ("She hopped into the vehicle and ignited its engine."; "hopped in" without previous "S.U.V.") Chapter 13: "A Bubble Bath" a) "Dots of crimson acrylic decorated Hailey's fingernails. Most of the carnation nail polish Hailey applied the night before crumbled and fell off." (maybe add another sentence afterwards, like "So, Hailey re-coated tiny canvasses protecting the tips of her digits.") Chapter 14: "Friday" a) "\"I love you, mom,\" Wednesday remarked." (capitalize "Mom" since it is used as a name) b) "Then, she was going to have to attack them." ("have to" is in previous sentence; kinda annoying to read; perhaps: "Then, she could have her way with them.") Chapter 15: "The Glory High Slasher" a) "Travis and his friends' chemistry class was located on the right hand side of the hallway Hailey entered." ("on the right" or "along the right"?) b) "Punk rock artwork showing between the opening of Joe's red leather jacket was soaked with blood." ("between the zipper teeth", maybe?) c) "Hailey's kneecaps crushed candy cane stripes into a freezing cold puddle." (replace "crushed candy cane stripes into" with "dunked peppermint stripes in freezing cold cherry syrup"; note: "sank" used in following sentence) d) "Ms. Goodwin's bony fingers squeezed shut around red and black plaid covering her chest." (should be "red and yellow", not "red and black"; wtf?) e) "Curious pupils traced blood red carotene locks behind Tate's backrest." (replace "carotene" w/ "keratin") Chapter 16: "The Blame Game" a) "\"Vicky-- go get your yearbook,\" he instructed." (change "he instructed" to "Martin instructed."; it's not clear who "he" is) b) "She opened the back, passenger door." ("the back, driver's door.") c) "Wednesday forced her thumb between an elastic neck below Hailey's kneecap." (replace "between" with "underneath"?) Chapter 17: "Hailey's House" a) "Wednesday tilted on a polka dot wrapped cheek." ("Wednesday tilted on polka dot wrapped cheeks.") b) "She looked at planks of wood decorating the lower half of Hailey's wall." ("She" without previous "Wednesday") Chapter 19: "Twisted Trees" a) "Wednesday secured suede laces around the neck of a saddle shoe surrounding her foot." (replace "around" with "below") Chapter 20: "Wednesday's Dwelling" a) "\"And, I feel like to sharing it with my friend.\"" (unneeded "to") Chapter 21: "Saturday" a) "Legs of black jeans sank into necks of black high top sneakers." (add comma between "black" and "high top") b) "Four hallways of strip shops enclosed a rest area." (how about: "Four strip shop hallways enclosed a rest area."?) c) "Wednesday sat on a bench outside the girl's dressing room." (replace "girl's" w/ "girls'") d) "Wednesday and Hailey peeked through bodies of black garments." (replace "through" w/ "between") Chapter 22: "The Church" a) "Lloyd stood beside the driver's side of his car." (replace "side" w/ "end") b) "Bushy brows lifted above Lloyd's carotene shrouded eye sockets." (replace "carotene" w/ "keratin") Chapter 24: "Sunday" a) "Wood planks covering the walls was charred into slats of coal." (replace "was" with "were") Chapter 25: "Monday" a) "She pointed at black sweater fabric covering Wednesday's chest." (replace "sweater fabric" with "silk"; note: Wednesday is wearing a black, short sleeve blouse) b) "Mr. Tinney skimmed disorganized handwritting." (replace "handwritting" with "handwriting") > version 1.1 (2021-09-03) Some of the story's language was perceived to contain typographical errors and was corrected. The following changes were applied to Hailey's Comet (brutally dissected edition) version 1.0 (the top sentence is the original; the bottom statement is the changed phrase): Chapter 1: "Wednesday" Hailey imagined gazing into Travis' dark brown eyes. Hailey imagined gazing into Travis' cornflower blue eyes. She offered one to her Hailey. She offered one to her friend. Chapter 2: "Larry" An aroma of old takeout food and half filled beer bottles awaited anyone that dared to walk through the door. An aroma of old takeout food and half filled beer bottles awaited anyone who dared to walk through the door. A plaid quilt made from yellow and black checks lay across Hailey's mattress. A plaid quilt made from yellow and black checks laid across Hailey's mattress. "Stop it, Larry!," Hailey's mom shouted. "Stop it, Larry!" Hailey's mom shouted. Chapter 3: "Aphasia" She stared into shiny coals plopped into the middle of Larry's Jack-o-lantern face. She stared into shiny coals sunken into the middle of Larry's Jack-o-lantern face. Larry unwound additional tape until he returned to Hailey's lips. Larry unwound additional tape until his fingers returned to Hailey's lips. Larry's fingers tore sticky filaments strapped to Hailey's cheeks off of the end of the tape roll. Larry's fingers tore sticky filaments strapped to Hailey's cheeks off the end of the tape roll. She snatched her kitten off the floor. She snatched her kitten off of the floor. She figured it was a convenient a time to decide what to do about Larry. She figured it was a convenient time to decide what to do about Larry. Chapter 4: "Thursday" She dragged white elastic off of the ends of her flame shaded locks. She dragged white elastic off the ends of her flame shaded locks. The squirrels nibbled nuts thir tiny fingers held in front of their puffed up cheeks. The squirrels nibbled nuts their tiny fingers held in front of their puffed up cheeks. When Hailey was a block away, her friend Wednesday watched at her. When Hailey was a block away, her friend Wednesday watched her. Chapter 5: "Psychology" She swished droplets across her teeth. She spit. She swished droplets across her teeth. She spat. Chapter 6: "Kind Words" "I'm just happy Mr. Tinney let me turn it in," Wednesday replied. "I'm just happy Mr. Tinney let me turn them in," Wednesday replied. Hailey's canvas snaeakers rested near the middle of the hallway. Hailey's canvas sneakers rested near the middle of the hallway. Chapter 7: "Ice Cold" He snagged a set of snips that were stocked nearby. He snagged a set of snips that was stocked nearby. Vicky drove off the main road. Vicky drove off of the main road. Travis walked backwards until Hailey's head was an inch from the hoist hook. Paul walked backwards until Hailey's head was an inch from the hoist hook. Chapter 8: "Grounded" "You decided what we going to do-- how we were gonna do it--!" "You decided what we were going to do-- how we were gonna do it--!" Chapter 9: "A Comet" Periodically, Hailey wiped fog and water droplets off of the lenses of her glasses. Periodically, Hailey wiped fog and water droplets off the lenses of her glasses. Her tiny ears detected rubber treads skipping along soaked pavement. Hailey's tiny ears detected rubber treads skipping along soaked pavement. Hailey hugged her neck with her shouldres. Hailey hugged her neck with her shoulders. Chapter 10: "Dissociation" Her arms and legs wobbled like stacks of canned chees. Her arms and legs wobbled like stacks of canned cheese. Chapter 11: "A Disappearance" * no changes made * Chapter 12: "Cleaning House" She measured out solution. She measured carpet steaming solution. Paul extracted his oral rims from Vicky's lips. Paul extracted eager, oral rims from Vicky's lips. Chapter 13: "A Bubble Bath" Paul patted red leather surrounding Gary's shoulder. Paul patted red leather surrounding Joe's shoulder. Chapter 14: "Friday" Leather surrounding Wednesday's biceps and shoulders crunched like a bagg of potato chips. Leather surrounding Wednesday's biceps and shoulders crunched like a bag of potato chips. "Wednesdsay-- get out of the car! Now!" "Wednesday-- get out of the car! Now!" Martin peered into the shades of Paul's blue shades. Martin peered into the lenses of Paul's blue shades. Chapter 15: "The Glory High Slasher" Arms wrapped in tan jacket sleeves collapsed Gary's fingers on tops of his disgusted eyes. Arms wrapped in tan jacket sleeves collapsed Gary's fingers along the tops of his disgusted eyes. Chapter 16: "The Blame Game" Vicky squalled her car's tires stopping it. Vicky squalled her car's tires, stopping it. "Why don't we talk about that, Travis!" "Why don't we talk about that, Travis?!" Martin stood beside pine planks fastened in front of the front door of his house. Martin stood next to pine planks fastened beside the front door of his house. Chapter 17: "Hailey's House" * no changes made * Chapter 18: "Moth to Flame" * no changes made * Chapter 19: "Twisted Trees" "We were so worried about that can of gasoline exploding, we took off before we had to chance to see anything." "We were so worried about that can of gasoline exploding, we took off before we had a chance to see anything." Chapter 20: "Wednesday's Dwelling" Wednesday tapped ash into a glass bowl laying between her thighs. Wednesday tapped ash into a glass bowl resting between her thighs. She sank a nicotene stained tube between pressurized mouth rims. She sank a nicotine stained tube between pressurized mouth rims. Chapter 21: "Saturday" Cabinets hung above a stainless steel sink matched lower cabinets and planks decorating Wednesday's kitchen divider. Cabinets hanging above a stainless steel sink matched lower cabinets and planks decorating Wednesday's kitchen divider. It make her cheek muscles hurt. It made her cheek muscles hurt. Chapter 22: "The Church" A sheet of notebok paper dangled from the fingers of Hailey's left hand. A sheet of notebook paper dangled from the fingers of Hailey's left hand. Lloyd cracked Lloyd's flame drenched scalp with his spiked club. Lloyd cracked Travis' flame drenched scalp with his spiked club. Chapter 23: "Ceasefire" Hailey lifted fingertips spotted with neon orange acrylic off of the edges of Martin's steering wheel. Hailey lifted fingertips spotted with neon orange acrylic off the edges of Martin's steering wheel. She spotted a flathead screwdriver laying on the floor. She spotted a flathead screwdriver lying on the floor. Wednesday's pale digits dropped off of the lower half of her face. Wednesday's pale digits dropped off the lower half of her face. Chapter 24: "Sunday" * no changes made * Chapter 25: "Monday" * no changes made *